“Oh, because I already reviewed Dead
Man’s Lifestyle, is that why?”
Nick looked at his fingernails, trying not to make eye contact. “You
know the tapes go out randomly. I don’t know. Besides, that review didn’t
appear on Cassette Gods, so it hardly counts. It wasn’t even a cassette! Hinterland was a CD. So, there’s that.”
Ryan, standing in front of Nick’s desk with his hands firmly planted to
its top, suddenly stood up and began to pace the spacious office. “You know how
I feel about this, man. You know how I feel about the double dip.”
Nick looked up incredulously. “What double dip? You reviewed a completely different album. You’ve
reviewed multiple releases by multiple artists. You’ve never been this upset
before. What is this, like your two hundredth review or something for me? Get
off your soapbox! I’m tired of it!”
“Two hundred and eighty-sixth.”
“Jesus.”
Nick rubbed his eyes, Ryan stopped pacing, pausing with his hand on his
chin, and mulled carefully the next words he would say.
“OK, Nick, I’ll do it. I’ll review From
Below. But you have to promise me one thing – no more double dips.”
Nick: “This is not a double
dip! Get it through your head! I mean, isn’t it in your wheelhouse? Don’t you
like that spacey ambient stuff, with the guitars and the effects pedals?
Synthesizers? You write about that stuff all the time! What about the ‘shimmery
guitars’ and ‘celestial atmospheres’? Just dig through your mental dictionary
or something – I’m sure something will come up. I’m not the reviewer.”
“Alright, I’ll mention the ‘shimmery guitars’ and the ‘celestial
atmospheres.’ I’ll just dig right into my vocabulary of overused language and
pull out a few choice nuggets. How does ‘Frippy’ work for you? Eno-y? The press
mentions Evening Star. That’s a great
starting point. I love Evening Star.
And Hinterland was enjoyable. Should
I pull something from that review? Maybe plagiarize myself, apply it here? How
about ‘From Below is a song cycle of great physical space and emotional
depth.’ That’s at least somewhat of a paraphrase.”
Nick rolled his eyes and
started tapping a number into his phone. “Whatever, I don’t care. I have a
meeting with this dude about a Bob Weir hologram for a Deep Thoughts shindig.
I’m gonna be late if I stay here listening to you yammer and complain about a tape review.”
Ryan, a little taken aback
at the news, opened his eyes a little wider. “Bob Weir’s not dead, Nick. Why a
hologram?”
“Because wouldn’t it be cool?”
“Yeah, I guess it would.”
--Ryan Masteller
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