From what I understand, and I paraphrase top scientists here, if you slow down R&B samples enough, in space, no one will hear you scream, correct? That’s how vaporwave gets you – it chucks you out of the airlock of your 1970s-style retrofuturistic pleasure cruise ship into the cold vacuum of space, and you feel stupid for a second before you freeze and/or implode for letting it get the jump on you in the first place. Sure, vaporwave acts all cool at first – I mean, this has to be label honcho, right? Doesn’t this movie take place in Florida? – but once it sinks its teeth in, to obliterate the first shaky metaphor with a second equally shaky one, it’s all over. Curses. Foiled again. And whatnot. But Hifi Envelope has emerged from the disgusting swamps of Gainesville (sorry! I mistook the University of Florida for an unholy cesspool – go Gators?) to chuck all that vaporwave nonsense right back in your smirking face, you buffoon, because TRANSITIONAL OBJECTS is a chillaxed repertory of the dankest proportions. I have forgotten what vaporwave even means while listening to it, if it ever even meant anything to begin with. This is not vaporwave. It is a valiantly composed electronic opiate, not outside the realm of Boards of Canada or even some of your favorite melodic ambient artists. It is at the very least obviously made by a human being with real human emotions and feelings, not a slick, ironic superhuckster. In fact, I’m so blissed out right now right in my OWN human face that I’ve lost all threads of warning you about awful unfunny music masquerading as unfunny satire. Hifi Envelope is the real deal, a joy to listen to on more than one occasion, a repeatable entity whose tape is almost bloody sold out from the IP page. Wonder if you should buy one? I say you should buy one. I am at the very least a non-ironic superhuckster, hocking some sweet tunes with a sincere smile on my face. Not like Chris Sarandon in FRIGHT NIGHT (two for two!).
--Ryan Masteller
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