WEAKWICK “Neophyte” (self-released)

Noisy scum punk from Minneapolis at its finest. You think AmRep wants a piece of this duo? You’re damn right they do. Now, if the label’d only get on the phone and return my calls, I’d let them borrow my copy of this tape. I’m nothing if not a bullhorn for the underappreciated facing toward the uninitiated. “Hey, A&R guy,” I’d say, because I call everybody “guy” anyway, “why don’t you listen to this Weakwick band? They’ll be bigger than Tad Doyle!” Then I’d regale him with a scenario where Weakwick, The Jesus Lizard, Cows, and Ritual Device all pitched in and bought Michael Jackson’s old tour bus from the Dangerous tour, tricked it out, and turned it into a rock-and-roll partymobile. Imagine how bad the bunks would smell! Then they’d all fly overseas in Rod Stewart’s private jet and hang out with Workin’ Man Noise Unit in London. Cause there’s nobody like the Unit. They’d all understand the need for the formless noise breathers interspersed throughout Neophyte (perhaps my favorite touch in between the guttercore). Then every noise band would take the stage at the Royal Albert Hall and play their version of “We Are the World,” which would likely end up a massive hour-long nuclear fuzz-blast, shattering windows around the city. Then everyone would hug. And Weakwick would smile because they started the whole thing.

--Ryan Masteller